Memory

          It’s the first snow since i moved in here. I never thought life would be this devastating without you. I always thought my decisions are the best and for the first time of my life I regret it. You were never perfect for me so am I. But besides all the hardships we had to go through together we fought hard.Between every wins and losses when did our love died ? When did we get bored of each other? I don’t know and the most confusing part is why I feel exactly how I used to feel before I met you . Things are so screwed up I am unable to process my feelings. I was so confident…very much that I thought even your face won't come in my mind…now look at me thinking of you in every second I’ve got. Is this love ? Are you my soulmate? . After moving in here there was not even a second that has passed without me thinking of you!

      You always told me “To be kind and honest” , but I am afraid that I couldn’t be what you told me to. I realise I was never honest with myself. Even when my heart said to give it a try I messed it up. I was very selfish, I never thought of you in the first place. And see what god gave me. I m sure Nathan , you’re still in love with me with all what you have! But I don’t deserve you. I consulted a doc yesterday you may be wondering what on earth is my problem right..I m unable to sleep at night and for my clarity doc said my hunch  was right I m going through depression. 

       

        And Nathan never read this with pity. I want you to have that bright smile on your face which lightens up the entire place. I love you and this time it came literally from the rock bottom of my heart. This is the way you liked to hear it from me right. I also believe I could ever tell this , this beautifully! You were my present and future but I. couldn’t recognise it. And now i know it’s too late , but I deceit admit it. If I continue this wont end here…Even if my heart resists I am ending it here. 

With lots of love 

Yours